22 anonymous mothers share their breastfeeding challenges
An extension of the conversation from today's Witching Hour episode
In today’s episode of Witching Hour — Zoë Foster Blake: "When you say no to them, you're saying yes to you" (here) — we shared all of the results of our community poll on Instagram all about breastfeeding challenges.
And if you’ve already listened (firstly, we fkn love you!), you’ll know that there were too many stories shared from our incredibly generous community to read out. And so here, as a show of solidarity for any mother out there struggling with breastfeeding, we’ve included your many stories below.
DM 1
I had a +2L haemorrhage at birth, ended up in a coma, BF was exceptionally challenging when I eventually made it through. 6 blood transfusions later the Drs said I likely wouldn’t produce milk but I tore myself to shreds about it and persisted. 8 wks postpartum I was hospitalised in high dependency for acute pancreatitis, had 2 surgeries, lungs collapsed, liquid only diet for 8 days in hospital but still I pumped every 3 hours and had milk delivered home to my baby an hour away every day (he didn’t come in because I was repulsed by the sight of him). 11 months later I have just finished the umpteenth course of antibiotics for mastitis which I’ve had several times but still I can’t bring myself to stop because ‘breast is best’ and I feel so guilty for how much time I spent away from him early postpartum I’m trying to make up for it. The feeling of failure if I stop takes my breath away…
DM 2
Breastfeeding came very easy for us. However around 6 months in I just couldn’t handle that it was ALL ON ME. For some reason I couldn’t get the hang of pumping and even if I could get a tiny scrounge out of course my daughter hated a bottle. It was heartbreaking seeing my hard earned minuscule amount of pumped milk go to waste. I felt guilty for feeling overwhelmed because technically the feeding part wasn’t hard, I just wanted someone else to be able to step in. I knew I didn’t want it to end. I still loved it, I just wanted a break. It wasn’t until someone suggested practicing bottle feeding with formula…my mind was blown. I can do that?? Permission to use formula every now and then?? I don’t know why I felt like it was so all or nothing, or why I had never heard of the concept of mixed feeding up until this point? Daughter eventually got used to the bottle and my nips and I could get a lil break every so often, continued mixed feeding HAPPILY until she self weaned at 14 months.
DM 3
My MCH midwife was fantastic but in hindsight very anti formula. It was basically out of the question in the many visits I had. Baby was below birth weight at 8 weeks, and I was going between GP and MCH for daily weigh ins. I pumped every 2 hours for weeks as advised to up supply. My baby looked seriously unwell and so thin I could see sunken temples and ribs, so I just snapped one day and bought formula. I had enormous guilt like I had failed not only my baby, but also the midwife.
DM 4
God. Where to begin. I was so “prepared” in my head. I had seen my sister BF 4 children and knew there would be struggles. But what I didn’t know was how much PNA would cripple my BF journey. My supply wasn’t there. I persisted and persisted. My daughter had a cow milk protein allergy. I pushed through for 6 months. Even when trusted friends questioned and inquired about it and how I was going with it. My baby used to scream and cry and cry. I look back now and realise that she was so hungry. I got in my head so much that I neglected her needs. I finally stopped at 6ms mainly because she was refusing it. Switched to soy formula and she started sleeping, she was happy. Cos she had a full little belly.
DM 5
I have a lot to share about this. My daughter ended up in Ed day three after we got home as she’d lost so much weight and was passing urates. She’s stopped crying because she was reserving her energy (this kills me thinking about it). I called the hospital in tears when we got home and they called me back straight away but I was public, it was covid and the best they could do was offer me telehealth lactation appointment. I didn’t get any support in hospital-midwives were busy and there were a couple who tried to set me up to go home but I also felt the one that checked me out was happy to be rid of us.
DM 6
I had wonderful lactation support-she gave my daughter her first bottle of formula. I worked for months to up my supply and get her to latch but it didn’t work. I started pumping to feed her and topped up with formula. I felt so broken. My body wasn’t doing what it was meant to.
DM 7
First time around, I was totally floored by the exhaustion of triple feeding (but also didn't really appreciate at the time that it wasn't "normal" to be doing that...). It wasn't until my Lactation consultant (the amazing joeleen w-p), said something along the lines of "all you want to do is go for a walk around the block with your baby to get coffee, but you don't have the time" - and it made me cry as we were just stuck inside on the feeding, pumping cycle!
DM 8
I'd also have the biggest adrenaline surges just before feeding time came around (how fast that 3 hours goes) and would be literally anxious about how it would go and the PAIN of the latch for the first few weeks (I would have my husband dig his fingers into my shoulders to try and distract from the pain).
DM 9
Ahhh breastfeeding, what a topic. Genuinely why doesn’t anyone tech you about this before you have a baby?! I’m sure you have so many responses of this nature! I had a traumatic experience 1st night in the hospital where a nurse pushed my baby and I so hard that the baby ended up with bruising. The hospital ended up doing an investigation after I left…I ended up sent home torn to shreds with no idea how to fix the problem. I was attached to a pump 24/7 alone in a room, and unknowingly had a very bad case of Vasospasm which was excruciatingly painful and doctors don’t know much about. Good help with feeding is SO hard to find - a bit like sleep training it seems lactation consultants are a dime a dozen but how qualified/good they are is varied. Wish I had better help earlier on. I ended up giving up and exclusively formula feeding as my mental health was shocking but the formula feeding is a minefield in itself.
DM 10
With my first I pumped and directly fed. Pumping was easier and simpler and I HATED direct feeding. It's taboo to hate it so I persevered. I'm currently in hospital after my waters going at 33 weeks, waiting for this lil late prem bubba to arrive and must admit I feel extremely relieved I have an "excuse" to exclusively pump because he'll be a prem and won't be able to latch.
DM 11
Oh gosh. It’s such a wild ride! Currently 4 weeks postpartum with my second who also has tongue ties like my first. The conflicting info out there absolutely took a toll on my mental health. I was so stubborn in wanting to make it work and spent thousands on support when it’s plugged that “breastfeeding is free”. Whilst I don’t regret it and am so glad I breastfed my first til 14 months, I’m giving myself a lot more compassion this second time round and will try to introduce some formula feeds to take the pressure off. I look at my healthy 3 year old now and nobody would tell otherwise whether he was breast fed or formula fed!
DM 12
Had an oversupply (which the hospital midwives me feel was a badge of honour) and so as the weeks went on I felt so much guilt for not loving breastfeeding (even tho my practical brain was saying it’s ok) and felt I should continue as so many others didn’t have a supply or couldn’t bf.
The day I bought the tin of formula, I just cried. So terrified I was doing the wrong thing. The guilt of feeling like I stopped bf because I didn’t like it, not because I struggled badly, hit me hard. All the support out there for stopping felt like it was for women who couldn’t. Not wouldn’t.
Thank god for my MCH nurse supporting me with so much kindness and telling me that my wellbeing regardless of why, was so important.
DM 13
I was terrified. Months of researching formula to be no closer to any idea of what I should go with. More warnings on a website for formula than there is on a website for alcohol, just further pushing us into guilt that it’s the “wrong” choice.
DM 14
I was so scared it would mean I wouldn’t connect with him… turns out, when you’re calmer and he’s getting actually full, it’s just as peaceful and connecting. Lots of hugs without me worrying if he’s had too much/not enough etc.
DM 15
The hospital I was at, spruiked their high breastfeeding rate. Between lactation consultants talking to you about bf from the breast being the r absolute must-do for your baby, to midwives not flagging any warnings on oversupply (but instead cheering you saying “you could feed the entire floor”).. there is so much pressure from the outset.
So I think the problem is that even when you are advocating for yourself, the public system (in my experience), pushes so hard for bf at any cost.
DM 16
I think my challenges the first time around were more mental. The thing that surprised me the most was how “trapped” I felt. Even though my baby did take a bottle, I still had this weird underlying feeling that I never had any time alone, couldn’t leave the house for very long and my body wasn’t mine anymore (still!!). I hated the feeling of having such full boobs all the time, they constantly leaked and I just didn’t enjoy the feeling at all (I did like the feeling off feeding though). I had massive engorgement / oversupply issues which led to mastitis 3+ times. This was eventually the reason I stopped BF at around 8 months (or the reason I told myself anyway).
The pressure I felt internally to BF until 12 months was constant, and I think only because I had close friends who had done that (and seemingly easily to me). It was almost like I felt like I wasn’t doing it properly unless I made it to 12 months. So weird when I think about that now?!
It came a lot easier for me the second time! Both mentally and physically. Especially because with my first I started pumping from day 1 because my baby was in special care, which is what caused the oversupply I think. But you don’t know what you don’t know!
It’s just a minefield and I think I somewhat prepared for it physically but I didn’t even think about how it would impact my mental state. Being a control freak I should have known it would throw me!
DM 17
It ultimately led to postnatal depression the second time around
i swore I’d be kinder to myself with our second, and that, if we had the same issues, we would just switch the bottle feeding - ease the mental load because how could I physically dedicate the same amount of hours we did the first time (which didn’t even work out in the end) plus take care of a newborn and a toddler, but it wasn’t that simple. I felt like I saw everyone else around us thriving with breastfeeding, and if everyone else could do it why couldn’t we, what was I doing wrong? The women I saw struggling shared a narrative of “pushing through” and “getting there” in the end - was I not pushing hard enough?
Both times our babies weren’t putting on enough weight and we were put on feeding plans by healthcare professionals in their first week of life that led to bottle top ups after every feed and eventually, breast refusal.
It took another friend sharing a photo on socials that I saw in the middle of a night, it was of her bottle feeding their baby, a similar age to ours, and it sparked a conversation which reminded me of everything I said I’d do if we found ourselves here again. Her normalising bottle feeding to me and reminding me that I’m just as important as our babies in this equation is what I needed to help me through. And so, we switched to bottles, and now I talk about it in therapy.
DM 18
PHEW!!! This topic. We are almost 3 years in and if you told me 2.5 years ago, i would have absolutely never believed you. To shorten it: Had an ER c-section which made my milk come in late, was obsessed with not producing enough due to a tongue tie which we had to have corrected so he could actually latch, pumped on a strict schedule every 2 hours so we could breastfeed + also bottle feed early on. I spent so many days exhausted, crying, anxious, worried. Wish I could go back and tell myself how easy it got in the long run and that it really was okay to not breastfeed. For me it felt like the LAST thing I could control so I did everything I possibly could to make it work after having such a traumatic birth experience.
DM 19
It’s so bloody hard, isn’t it? Mental health can impact breastfeeding and breastfeeding can impact on mental health. Yet we are constantly told it’s best for baby, but at what cost are we pressured to pursue it? At the expense of our sanity? At the expense of our baby being hungry and unable to sleep? Not to mention, if it’s not best for mum then it’s not best for baby! Just does my head in that society moralises feeding and that it brings out the most sanctimonious judgments It’s a pain point for me!
DM 20
After a traumatic c-section and NICU stay, at the time I viewed breastfeeding my last chance to have something 'go the way I planned'. For me, I was grasping for some sense of control and placed a lot of pressure to make it work. Although I logically knew that my worth didn't depend on breastfeeding, there was another part of me who would have viewed it as a failure if it didn't work out. It was complex.
DM 21
Husband encouraged formula after seeing me in so much pain and distress. I was struggling with not knowing how much my son was consuming, and with the lumps I got from engorgement which sent me spiralling because it reminded me of when I had a breast biopsy for a lump. So the thoughts were already in my head. The nurse then told me not to give up on breastfeeding and squeezed my boobs for milk while I sobbed in pain. That was the final straw for me.
DM 22
I felt relief when I started using formula, despite a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL referring to it as, and I quote — “poison.”
Thank you too all the beautiful mothers who shared their stories. Join our weekly polls here on Instagram or share you story below xx