How I Make Work, Work
With Zoe Cuthberston
I’m not afraid to say that I’m a little bit obsessed with Zoe Cuthberston. Her food! Her clothes! The warm and ceaseless enthusiasm with which she responded to my DM! I love her, okay?!
But on a more serious note, Zoe is the founder of Undressed and the mother of nine month old Rafaela.
Through Undressed, Zoe works across recipe content creation and catering. Her food and tablescapes are the stuff of dreams. I picture myself one glass of champagne deep, perching myself up at a delicately, seasonally styled bar to stuff my face with her food, glorious food. I will be offered a glass of pet nat in the perfect shade of orange and I will have a rollicking time, with no children in sight.
I can easily conjure this image because her creations are colourful, warm, and thoughtful. And after interviewing Zoe, I have a feeling that her food is reflective of who she is as a person.
As a mother, Zoe has learned a lot in nine short months. A meningitis scare in the early days of Rafaela’s life deeply influenced the way the new mother would go about parenting and returning to paid work, and she cites perinatal psychology group Mums Matter as an important part of her journey into motherhood.
What I love most about this interview is that Zoe isn’t afraid to talk about how taxing breastfeeding has been or that she’s mix fed since day one. She won’t shy away from telling you that she has a part-time job outside of Undressed and she has a beautiful way of embracing both the light and shade of motherhood.
Without further ado, let’s have less me and more Zoe, because we could all have some more Zoe in our lives.
Here, we talk about what she’s learned, how parenting has changed her relationship to paid work, and why she’s learning the importance of the word no.
Please use three words to describe yourself outside of being a mother and career girlie…
Feeder, reader, outfit-repeater.
Now, tell us about who you are as a mother and in business?
Still a novice, but so far I’d define myself as: a reformed control freak.
I haven’t picked up a single book on parenting and even though I’m targeted with baby hacks on the daily (via social media and the occasional nosy parker) I’ve tried very hard to block out ALL. THE. NOISE. Apart from podcasts, podcasts I love – and I’m not just saying that. I find that by listening in on others' conversations you get a much more rounded, real-time perspective.
During pregnancy I read a couple of books on birth, and I found it quite unhelpful in the end. I felt surges of guilt about all the warnings I digested around ‘highly medicalised’ births, because – wouldn’t you know it – that’s exactly the birth I had. With the help of therapy I’ve been able to rewrite this unhelpful narrative, but it’s definitely informed what I now consume on deeply personal subjects like birth and motherhood.
In addition to being Raf’s mum, I also run an event, content and styling business, Undressed. I started this about four years ago when we were living in Byron Bay. It began as a meal kit service in lockdown which evolved into event catering, and now content and recipe creation.
In this world I’d describe myself as hard-working and eager with a love of connection.
You run your own business – what did maternity leave look like for you, if in fact you had one at all?
I was so unwell during pregnancy that I was very fortunate to have flexibility around work and leave. What afforded this flexibility was, and still is, my incredibly hard working husband and having a part-time job in addition to running a business. This not only gives me more financial independence, but having the support of a wider team and the opportunity to work for a brand I love helps ease the loneliness of being a business owner.
While pregnant I couldn’t even open the fridge without vomiting, let alone cook, so knowing I’d no longer have debilitating morning sickness, I was sure I’d be back on the tools 6 weeks postpartum. I was even coordinating catering for a wedding from the hospital.
Shortly after Raf was born she developed viral meningitis which meant a stay in the NICU and a very difficult few weeks. This absolutely coloured my approach to maternity leave, and parenting as a whole and I ended up taking a lot more time off than I first thought. Recovery, both mental and physical, was (and still is) really difficult to prioritise, but I’m glad I took some time out in the beginning.
And what did the return to paid work look like in the early days – biggest challenges and greatest joys?
My business has really evolved over the last few years, and when I returned to paid work it looked a lot different than before. I’d signed with a manager who gifted me the opportunity to create content from home. This made returning to work very gentle, and almost entirely on my own terms. There’s just no way I could have catered big events, been on my feet all day, and be tied to any kind of deadline those first few months.
I also have a part-time job. I started off one day a week for a few months, then stepped it up to three days working from home. I was offered a dream job right before I went on maternity leave and they waited for me until I was ready to start it. A return to this work really opened up my world again. I began emailing with people all over the world and it made me feel like I was a part of something bigger than just managing the contents of Raf’s nappy bag. That being said, to be a parent is to worry, and no longer can I just go to work and focus on the task at hand without thoughts of Raf’s wellbeing creeping in. I may never have a rational, linear thought ever again.
A personal challenge I’ve faced is feeling devalued because I’m not the higher earner in the family. Perhaps this is coming from a place of insecurity, and I say this with no disrespect to my husband, we truly couldn’t survive without him (and I mean that far more than just in a financial sense), but I do feel that my work isn’t held to the same regard as his, and at times, resentment sneaks in. I’ve been vocal with him about this, and my family who are also Raf’s caregivers. I don’t necessarily have a solution to this yet, but it helps just talking about it out loud.
You work for yourself, what would you do to prepare yourself for maternity leave with some hindsight?
It’s honestly one of the hardest things to plan for. I really didn’t take into account what headspace I’d be in, and to be honest, it wasn’t a great one. So, I would say try not to make any big commitments for those first few months (if you have this luxury, of course). I guess I always knew that ‘mother’ wasn’t going to form my whole identity, but navigating when and how to return to work when you’re your own boss is hard. It’s not set in stone by your employer, so you’re always going to wonder if you’re doing the right thing.
Which brings me to my next piece of advice: do what feels right for you. Raf was in daycare from 6 months, and that’s what works for us. I remember listening to Lauren Trend’s RON interview who painted childcare in a whole new light for me; often it’s wrongly seen as a service just to relieve parents, but her daughter’s development flourished under care.
I understand this is coming from a place of huge privilege, and often parents have to do things that feel completely at odds with their ‘wants’ in order to just pay the bills. Like all of us, I wish there was better support in place for parents and their children for navigating this incredibly difficult process.
In many ways, experiencing motherhood can make paid work seem easier. In what ways has this been true for you?
The enormity of motherhood has helped me let go of the stressors I used to feel in paid work, and really put things into perspective. I’d often have sleepless nights tossing and turning wondering if I’d undercooked a cauliflower. Now I’m like ‘WHO CARES! YOU’RE RAISING A HUMAN, go to bed!!’
On the flip side, in what ways has paid work remained challenging?
Am I the only one who feels like having a baby completely fries your brain? Some days I feel more inspired than ever, and then others my creativity takes a nosedive. And I don’t always have the luxury of not working these days. I’ve got to push through the haze. Deadlines are looming. I’ve learnt to embrace the time I do have, which has led me to be far more productive. I’ve also set boundaries, like I’ve asked my husband to go into the office the days I’m working from home because I relish having those few hours alone.
I still suffer from an immense case of imposter syndrome and sadly that hasn’t been cured by motherhood. Instead of the undercooked cauliflower my mind wanders too… ‘is this embarrassing putting myself out there so much…is my work even any good…does anyone even care’ on loop. The way I get past this is I imagine I’m talking to a future Raf navigating her own career, and I tell her; if it feels right, and it rewards you in some way, then just go for it.
Your work is highly creative and detail driven – do you need to do anything to get yourself from mum mode to work mode, or does it flow quite naturally?
One of many things I’ve struggled with as a parent is that you’re no longer in charge of your own time. Just because you feel compelled to do something, doesn’t always mean you have the freedom to do so. I’ve become an even more meticulous to-do list maker, as thoughts will spring into my mind when I can’t necessarily act on them, but I know they’ll be there when I can.
I recently had an instance where I had a job I just didn’t want to do. Raf and I were both sick, but the problem with my line of work is that you commit to things months in advance, and being a relatively one-woman show there’s no one there to take your place.
Mum-mode and work-mode were overlapping to negative, guilt-ridden effect. I remember thinking I should write a letter to myself in this instance, of why saying ‘yes’ looks different now that you’re a parent.
When I first started Undressed my motto was ‘say yes to everything and figure it out later’, and it’s taken a while to shift this mentality. What I’ve learned now is there’s great power in saying ‘no’, because what you’re doing is no longer there to serve just you.
Run us through the day in your life on a paid work day (if you’re okay with it, I want the whole damn thing from waking up that morning to getting home that night)
Every day looks so different, but here’s an example day of corporate catering.
Wake up at 6am and sneak out of the bedroom as all of us still share a space. I shower, get dressed and pack the car. Rich is my heavy lifter. The day before I’ve spent grocery shopping, I use Google sheets to plan out a menu and create a shopping list that I can tick off as I go.
Raf rises at 7am, Rich will get her dressed and they’ll grab some takeaway coffees together. We’ll then have a quick breakfast at home before beginning our respective work days: Rich from his home office, and I’m heading to South Melbourne for a catering job. I work from a kitchen out there and my parents will watch Raf as I work.
Today I’m making three salads; Soba noodles with crispy kale, coconut and tahini, Maple roast carrots with fennel labneh, currants and toasted hazelnut and Harissa roast pumpkin with thyme-infused feta, salsa verde and crunchy seeds, plus lemongrass grilled chicken for MECCA headquarters. I have about three hours to get all this done, with a little prep the night before to get a head start.
I jump back in the car just before midday to make a lunchtime delivery. I take a moment to listen to a podcast I can actually hear without a baby crying in the backseat. Then I’ll stop for a takeaway lunch for myself. It’s ironic that I spend so much of my time creating wholesome food for others and on these days I tend to survive on mostly sugar and caffeine.
With Raf in tow again I’ll head back to Northside and make Raf some lunch. At least she still eats well when I’m busy (mostly, tonight as I write this, she had a pizza crust)! We’ll then go for a walk – I love getting out and about, home drives me crazy, I spend wayyy too much time there.
Raf, the little legend, tends to sleep for 2-3 hours in the afternoon so I start a little routine around 3pm. I set up the bedroom; a bottle of milk for her, another coffee for me, and we read a few books together. She loves to read and it makes me weep to see her listening so intently.
With Raf asleep in our bed, I’ll usually sit in the dark and work on my laptop or venture out to the kitchen for a couple of hours. Today I’m in the zone (and have been shopping) so I start testing a recipe I’m working on for an upcoming brand partnership. Again, I put a podcast on while I work – I’m a full blown true crime addict so be aware that if I’ve ever cooked for you, it’s most definitely been to the tune of a horrific murder case.
At 5:30pm Rich emerges from his work day and bundles Raf up for a trip to the swings. I stay behind and clean up the kitchen. Thankfully we can all eat my test recipe for dinner, as I’m, quite literally, cooked.
You’re nine months into motherhood now – what does parenthood feel like to you now compared to the newborn days?
It’s crazy how quickly the newborn bubble bursts and everyone expects you to get back to it (whether that be work, exercise, being a functioning adult) so fast. While I’m at it, can we stop measuring postpartum in weeks, or why are we giving it any measure of time? I’m forever changed, and I feel speechless when people respond to Raf’s age with ‘oh you’re fine by now then’. If anything it gets harder as the months pass by, the distance between my former and new self glares at me like a chasm everyone around me wants to see closed.
As much now as in the beginning, breastfeeding is one of the single most self-sacrificing things a person can do. I’ve found it really, really difficult to give my entire body over to someone else. We’ve done mixed feeding from day one. I just never produced enough milk (and I tried everything; acupuncture, medication, Chinese herbs, pumping around the clock) – and perhaps this was a sign it was never meant to be. My body went through so much in the first few weeks it just couldn’t find a way to be there for the both of us. Since then, my hair has shedded, my toenails have fallen out (EEK!) and I’ve fallen victim to every daycare virus that’s walked through our doors. Starting this journey on the back foot health-wise has been a huge struggle.
All that aside, I marvel each day at our little creation. She’s full of energy and spirit, a fighter from day one. Everything's better with her in the world, and I love showing it to her. I'm more at peace now than I’ve ever been. She literally is the bigger picture.
A service I recommend to absolutely anyone who’ll listen is Mums Matter. It’s a bulk-billed (so valuable for those navigating a time in their lives where they are not earning) psychology service for new mums. You need a referral, and a visit to your GP for a mental health plan but once you’ve jumped through those few hoops it's worth it.
Please trust me on this.
QUICK FIRE ROUND
Describe motherhood in three words. All the extremes.
Navigating motherhood and paid work is… a way to completely revise boundaries, redefine priorities and assess what you’re willing to sacrifice.
I wouldn’t be able to navigate motherhood and paid work without… my husband, extended family, friends, Mums Matter and childcare.
My go-to mum-friendly work uniform is… I live in Deiji Studios’ separates. A great pair of jeans from Agolde or Slverlake (wearing a totally different style postpartum). Crisp shirts, my favourites are from Camilla and Marc.
(Side note: My biggest mum hack for those, like me, who hate ironing is get your shirts professionally pressed. It’s like 3 dollars a shirt and worth every penny, because if I don’t do it I won't wear the shirts and then that’s just wasting money.)
The best way to help a new mum is… While we were all in hospital a close friend of mine bought me food deliveries that literally brought me to tears. Food is my love language, of course, and the food in the public hospital system brought me to tears for different reasons. Also, don’t ever feel like you’ve missed the boat. Nine months in, I’d still appreciate a lasagne delivery!
The best way to help a mum returning to paid work is… To be gentle. Since going back to work I’ve been met with a lot of “oh that sounds hard, but I guess it's your choice”’ – well, yes I returned to paid work as it’s helpful to my sense of self and my mental health – but financial support does play a huge factor. So how much choice do we really have?
If I could solve one problem for working mothers, it would be… to miraculously cure guilt.
To get out of the door in the morning, I need… an oat flat white.
The best ‘me’ time is spent doing… I know selfcare seems like an obvious answer, but it really, truly does help. Also, reading without interruption and going for a walk with no nappy bag, pram or baby in tow does good things for the soul.
My biggest current challenge in making work, work as a mum is… sleep deprivation.
My biggest focus for 2024 is… I too want to start a Substack. It’ll be called Dressed Down, and because I’ve written it here, now I have to do it.