I've interviewed over 100 working mothers. Here's 10 things I've learned
Quotes and reflections from Jessie Stephens, Lael Stone, Ava Chandler Matthews and Yara Heary
I’ve interviewed over 100 working mums through my podcast, Ready or Not. Here are 10 key quotes, takeaways, and reflections that have stayed with me.
1. Much to my dismay, there’s no silver bullet when it comes to navigating this motherhood and career thing. While brilliant advice, tips, and tricks are peppered throughout every single episode, there’s no right way to do it. This is both wildly frustrating and incredibly comforting. But what it has taught me is that, while I’m keen to open my mind and learn from other brilliant mothers, I also need to run my own race.
2. Done is better than perfect. Ava Chandler Matthews said this, and it relates both to paid work and motherhood. If you stop striving to be the perfect employee and mother, and instead focus on getting the job done while doing your best, you’ll set yourself free (well, at least a bit anyway).
Thanks, Ava.
3. There are glass balls and there are plastic ones. Learn when to drop the plastic balls and when to focus on the glass ones. You can’t and shouldn’t frazzle yourself by trying to juggle all of them, so get clear on what’s what. (And sometimes, you can even place those glass balls down carefully and they won’t break!). This wisdom comes from psychologist Yara Heary.
4. This one is still a work in progress, but Lael Stone’s advice still reverberates around my mind daily: be where you are when you’re there. As much as you can, when you’re at the office, try to be there and get your work done. When you’re at home with your kids, try to keep that laptop away. Ideas are always bubbling in my mind, so to avoid working too much and to keep my phone away from me, I have a note pad and pen. I write things down as they come to me, and I try to forget about them til it’s work time again.
5. Finding motherhood hard at times doesn't mean that you don't love your children, or that you're not a "good" mother. Two things can be true.
6. A lot of us imagine our due date as some sort of finish line for our career, and while in some cases — sometimes through choice, sometimes, sadly, not — that might feel true, some of my best paid work experiences have come to since having kids and I feel as creative as ever. It reminds me of something Jessie Stephens said when I interviewed her: "I think I was trying to keep up a pace and get all this stuff done before this imagined finish line. And my body was yelling at me: you can't do this, this isn't working. Stop it, stop it, stop it." I hope this serves as a reminder for those that are pregnant and working themselves to the bone because they are fearful of what parenting might bring — stop it, stop it, stop it. (Thanks Jessie Stephens)
7. It’s okay if your ambitions have changed as a result of motherhood. You haven’t broken feminism by making a choice that works for you and your family. I used to think it was sad that people paused or rearranged their ambitions around their children, but I don’t feel that way anymore. Whether it’s dialling up or pulling back from paid work, the only thing that matters is that the mother or primary caregiver feels empowered in their choice and that their work — paid or unpaid — is valued.
8. You are never alone and someone out there is feeling the same way as you are when it comes to navigating motherhood and career. I’ve interviewed mothers of disabled children, mothers in same sex relationships, mothers who’ve experienced pregnancy loss while sitting at their desk, and mothers who’ve returned to paid work after stillbirth. Even if you feel like you’re in the margins and it’s hard to find a story that resonates, I promise you that if I don’t have it on Ready or Not, I’ll find it. DM me.
9. You have to accept that navigating motherhood and career is a paradox. You’re scared these years with your kids will go too fast, but you’re desperate to get to the office and have a break after a hard previous day of parenting. Your children elate you more than anyone and their little faces mean everything to you, but sometimes it’s not stimulating enough and you need something else. You love being a mum, but you still love paid work too. I’ll never be able to reconcile these things and I’ve learned that none of it makes sense, so everyday, I try to accept it for what it is and remind myself that I’m doing my best.
10. And no, unfortunately I haven’t secured Sally Field as a guest yet. But, let me leave you with this brilliant quote of hers that lives rent free in my mind: "Motherhood is given the brush-off in our society. 'Oh, I'm just a mom, you hear women say. 'Just' a mom? Please! Being a mom is everything. It's mentorship, it's inspirational, it's our hope for the future."
